If you are someone who has been caught cheating, you are likely wondering what you should do and say. You have to keep in mind that this is a difficult time for your partner. She likely is feeling insecure and wondering why you were doing what you were doing. She could be wondering what is wrong with her, thinking that this is why you would look for sex outside of your relationship. And your focus now is to help her trust you again.
The most important factor in helping someone return to trusting you is to show that you have changed, rather than just tell her that you have changed. If you tell her repeatedly that you have changed, but prove otherwise, then you are likely to do more damage than good. What can make this even more complicated is that you can make things worse at this stage without cheating at all. Cheating likely will open up a number of concerns about your relationship that may not have been as previously obvious before.
It is those concerns in your relationship that you will need to pay close attention to. Why did you look outside of your relationship for sex? Whether it be companionship, or only sex, be sure to take responsibility for this. Whatever it is, this is key to you working to heal your relationship. In order to rebuild what has been betrayed, you have to have a full understanding of your decisions. If you don’t, your partner will not likely trust the changes in your decision-making. This is because she will likely notice the confusion that you have not yet sorted out. If things don’t make sense to you, they won’t make sense to your partner either.
No matter what, remember that all things take time, especially rebuilding trust. Time is what you don’t have control of in this situation. Instead, it is a better idea to focus on identifying the reasons behind your past decisions, and take responsibility for your actions. With time and patience, your partner will hopefully see that you have changed, because that change will be a genuine one.
–This is a guest post written by Michael J. Salas, owner and founder of Vantage Point Dallas Counseling. Michael works with individuals and couples in the Uptown area of Dallas.