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When a Secret Becomes a Lie

Most relationship betrayals begin with secrets that get out of hand. I have heard many people say “everyone has their secrets,” and to some extent, I would agree. However there is a point where these secrets not only harm your life, but inflict pain other others as well. This article discusses this issue and how to change this pattern.

Secrets that are kept from your friends and family can help you rationalize and justify a behavior. It is important to remember why you are keeping the secret to begin with. Why are you hiding this information? If your partner asked, would you tell? If not, and you are withholding this information, then it is likely still going to be considered a lie, should your partner find out. These are lies of omission. Many times these secrets are not identified as lies, but they are. If you know information would be hurtful, and you withhold it, it is a lie. In your relationship, the other person determines whether or not something is a lie, because they are one who is going to walk away betrayed.

If you have already walked down this path, it is not necessarily too late to change your pattern. You can come clean with the information and begin rebuilding any trust that you have lost. If the relationship ends, you can learn to build a better one in the future. Either way, the stress of holding onto a lie will wear on you. You have to balance this with the long-term benefits of confessing, which although it includes an initially anxious-ridden amount of honesty, it will allow you to have a less stressful existence.

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Copyright Dr. Shannon Sticken

Dr. Shannon Sticken is a Tucson psychologist who has been specifically trained in techniques on ways to deal with issues relating to sex addiction, substance abuse, and anxiety and depression.

Contact Information

Phone: 520-326-5761
Address: 2500 N. Tucson Blvd.
Suite 108
Tucson, AZ 85716